Blogger: Glory to Se
I distinguish five types of mushrooms: boletus, chanterelles, "probably russula", "looks like an edible" and "like a grebe." Masha, who absorbed this from me, prepared three bags in the forest.
“We will give away excess,” she said. She imagined mushrooms growing like potatoes. Get on your knees and pack. The real forest turned out to be a severe misery. Like funny moose, we rode a fir tree, then a birch. They found a russula and it was crushed in a fight for copyright. Masha went to the forest with a simple goal - to leave the country without mushrooms. And Lyalya came to surpass Masha. She doesn’t even care how much it comes out in bags. The main thing in a walk for mushrooms, says Lyalya, is victory. Her plan was this: we must run behind Masha from behind and slightly from the side. At the sight of the prey, Masha will scream, because the girl. At this point, you can jump and grab. Everything should be like in baseball.
We ran through the forest for three long minutes and realized: there are no mushrooms here. That is, they are not at all, anywhere. Mushrooms are a myth. Mentally unbalanced people retell it to each other to increase their self-esteem. So, we walked through a forest in which there were never and never were mushrooms. And they sat on a stump to have a snack with a simple mushroom picker meal - an egg, a tomato, chicken and a soft-boiled curd cake. And then a ghost aunt walked past us with a huge ass in a purple tights. She carried two buckets of mushrooms. A feeling of powerless hatred swept us. But we did not catch up and strangle the mushroom fairy, although we could. For such humility, the little god gave us a clearing. About a thousand unnecessary thrills grew there. It doesn’t occur to people that an excellent lump will come out of the excitement, you only need a brush and a little sex paint.
Then we collected all sorts of mushroom stuff, edible in appearance. And then, for the first time in my life, I found a boletus. And he kissed his hat, then in the ass and in other ways lost his virginity. Neighbor Lena said unfamiliar mushrooms should be cooked with onions. If the onions turn blue, the mushrooms are poisoned. If it remains white, then it is better to throw everything away with the pan, because in general it is not clear. In the evening I’ll cook it all. If a post about flying green dogs appears here, then everything is fine with us, we had dinner with mushrooms. In the meantime, you can exchange gossip in the comments, as you have found more than three boletus at one time.
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LIFE OUTSIDE THE NETWORK: Vyacheslav Soldatenkov (Glory to Se) - writer, lives and works in Riga.